Interesting...

So just in case any one was wondering... I'm a Wild Rose....Colorful and yet unpicked! haha! Thanks F for the link!

Mmm the supply closet

I have mentioned previously my love of office supplies. It just might get me into trouble. I had to order supplies today and I spent almost $200 and I only purchase like 6 items...oops. I'm not going to be around when they get the bill this weekend..hahaha. I spent almost 10 minutes picking out post-it notes (which my boss tried to dissuade me from ordering...but every office must have a supply of post-it notes!!!!). I think I need a hobby!

More from the book

Why is it that I only come across the sleezy funny parts when I'm on the stationary bike at the gym? I thought I would share this part:

Ok remember how I said that these guys are sharing a tent....now they are faced with the option of each having their own tents and this is what they have to say...
"Well, my brother, here you may have a tent of your own and you will not have to share mine." Baba pointed to a black tent only a little smaller than the one that flew his pennant....Rory noted a fleeting expression of sadness on his face.

Rory also felt a little sad at being separated from Baba. He had enjoyed the feeling of proximity when they had shared the same tent and, he had to confess to himself, he had enjoyed Almera (his nighttime bed mate) when he could hear Baba's all-too-audible enjoyment of his own woman.

"It is not of my comfort I think, my brother. It is of yours. As for me, I welcome the little sounds of yoru happiness. When I hear your gaspings for breath and the pleading moans and entreaties of Almera it spurs me on to greaterjoys, knowing that you are happy,too."

"And I too shall feel lonely, Baba, because if you have enjoyed my sounds, I have taken pleasure in yours..."

In case you are wondering, they decide to continue sharing a tent.

Later, there is a section about these women who they sleep with that do their "training" on wooden pegs....she goes into an complimentory explaination to Rory how the largest dummy/peg that she "trained on" did not compare to him and that she didn't think she could handle all his "manliness"! Again I was at the gym while reading this trying so hard not to laugh.

Sorry I have not too much interesting going on in my life...just boring ol' work

PS: They are hiring if any one needs a full time job and can handle working with me all day!

A little sumthin'

Why do dried apples taste better than real apples? I just had a dried apple slice and before that a real apple and I'd have to say..I like the dried one best. I bet you couldn't tell that I'm bored!

Cheap in more ways than one

So on Saturday, Kate and I ventured into the book mecca known as Half-Priced Books. Our goal - sleezy, cheap books. An hour later, we walked out of there having been chastized by an old man about falling books and some history books and my one cheesy, sleezy book that I thought was called Manhound. (On later inspection...the name disappointingly turned out to be Mahound)

So I began to read "Manhound", a novel about a 'penniless nobleman drawn into the lucrative, violent, lustfeeding, exotic life of the African slave trade.' (Must note that this book only cost $1.98) I would like to devote some space to quoting this fine fine literary work for everyone's enjoyment.

So in this section Rory (our main character - the penniless nobleman) has met a befriended the Shango of Sa'aqs, more familiarly known as Baba. Baba is explaining that Rory must hide his naked body from view when bathing b/c his religion will be obvious since he like other Christians would not be circumcized while Arabs are.

"But the knife has never touched me, Baba, fate must have intended me to be a True Believer. Look!" Rory peeled off his sweaty trousers and stood naked before Baba. "Regard me, Baba, and see how well I can qualify. When I was a young boy I started to out grow my own skin. Nature removed the hood, for there was not enough skin left to cover me."......"But the lasses all seemed to like it even better than had it been fully clothed"....He walked a couple of steps nearer to Baba and arched his body. "Look, my friend and brother."
Can you tell this book was writen by a guy and not a woman?
(Dear friends I am reading this while at the gym and I'm dying trying not to laugh outloud and look like a total idiot!)

In this section - Baba has given Rory a slave woman to sleep with and as he awakes, she has already left for the day. (by the way I think these guys shared the tent during the night, leading one to believe that both got an eyeful of each other's actions - they might have enjoyed it...considering they were all too happy to compare each other's peepees!)

"She departed with your bedmate. Ah if she were only here now." His hands sought the hardness of himself under the sheet.....(Baba speaking) "I sent them away for a very good reason. A woman is too enervating in the morning and can only make a man feel drained all day. The erection that a man awakes with is not one of passion; merely an indication that his bladder is full. (Is this true?) Two things are needed to put an end to a stiff yard (yes it really says that!). At night a man ejaculates his semen and he goes limp; in the morning he pisses and it brings about the same result."



Hmm...when taken out of context this doesn't sound so funny...but believe me it is! I'm sure you can look forward to more amusing quotes from the cheapest, cheesiest book I think I've ever read!

Weekend O' Fun

This weekend was a blast. Friday, we headed down to Fado for a more chill environment. We braved the rain and founch a bitchin' parking spot not far from the bars. We stood around and chilled for awhile. We met so older British dudes who are firefighters here for special task training. Supposedly London is expecting an event similar to 911 and so the firefighters have been sent to get training from the good ol' US of A. Enjoyed talking to them and getting free drinks (mind you I had to work the next morning...oooops!). Later I went inside for the millionth time to pee and ran across some of F's rugby chums. I was so impressed that I recognized them that I rushed to inform her and when she couldn't find them, I drug her ass right over to them (praying that I hadn't mistaken them!). We chilled with the boys for a while and then somehow I ended up in a very hot rugby boy sandwich (not an unpleasant thing at all!). Right when my desire to dance with above mentioned boys, overcame my surprise of being smushed between two very manly bodies, Kate (the dear dear girl but has awful timing) demands that we leave, she having had way toooooo much to drink. We barely get her back to the car with F yelling at how bad she had to pee. Drop a stumbling Kate at her apt and as we are driving back to mine, F makes me pull over less than a block from my house to do a drive by squating. I honked to try and scare her but it didn't and in fact it was perfect timing b/c a car was fastly approaching behind me (lets hope they didn't notice the white ass next to my car!). Home and then off to work the next day.

Shopping shopping shopping after work on Saturday....then babysitting at the Hewletts. Free pizza and $50 - can't complain too much. Hurried home and changed for another night out but this time slumming it on 6th. Actually I'm gonna cheat and just paste an exerpt from F's page on last night:

Last night, Farouche & I went downtown [drink at home before I headed out]. Met up with Panda, an old friend of mine. As soon as he started dancing, I told him needed to call 1-900-JOIN-A-BOY-BAND. [drink] I was drancing with Panda & Friends, I turned around to see Farouche making out with Buddha Boy from a few weeks ago. I pulled her away and shoo-ed him off. [drink] He is annoying and I don't think she would have done it if it hadn't been drinking. (Very true! I don't think I would of...at least I hope...I just have a hard time denying a kiss!)

We met a dude who looked like Mozart on Acid (I personally thought he looked more like Beethoven), who had a bruised eye. When I asked him what happened, he said a mime had socked him in the face. (he also said he was a mime...have I ever mentioned how street performers have a knack for singling me out of a crowd?) [drink] Mime boy & Farouche were talking to each other right behind my back and I turned around and caught them kissing. Wow, Farouche had a lucky night. [drink] The only thing I was makin' out with was my pizza later on that night.

We were talking to a witty dude from Seattle [shot: Sex with an Alligator] when I got shoved from behind really hard. I turned around, of course, & shoved back. [drink] Three guys were yelling at each other and shoving each other, so I stepped in the middle of them to try to get them to stop. I had their attention and was ready to implement my plan (which involved us doing shots naked-- that would get guys to stop fighting) but dumbass Seattle boy grabbed my arm and PULLED me away.. which Pissed. Me. Off. The fight broke out, tables turned over, drinks were sent flying [not mine], until the bouncers had the dudes on the ground, cowering and crying. Quite a sight to see. [drink]

Later we went to Steve's house and Flaminia and Steve did not have a happy encounter. I stayed a little longer but Steve was extremely drunk and I was tired and not drunk enough to be around drunk people so I left.

I followed up today with some dim sum and even more shopping! God, I love shopping.

PS. F got me an awesome discount at Ross today! Sometimes you have to thank god for the morons in this world!

Ok maybe work doesn't suck that bad

The training session was so boring and there were some real morons in there. But hey I endured it and ended getting out at 2:30 instead of 5! I had cancelled lunch with Kate but she was a sweetie and gave it to me this morning before I left for work. So for lunch, my co-worker and I hung out at Central Market and had a glass of wine and lunch. It made the second half of the training session that much better!

Went to the UT Fashion show. Very interesting one designer's creations looked like a circus barfed on the girls and then there was this horrible mistake with a parachute jumpsuit and what looked to be red duct tape. There were a couple there though that were really nice.

The piece de resistance of the evening had to be the Hula Hut Shrimp Tubular Taco...yum yum!!! I did not enjoy my rita enough to warrent paying 5.25 (stupid over priced drinks!!!). Oh well I guess its off to bed soon to dream of scary clothes and tiny margaritas.

Work Sucks

I get home today and there is a message from my boss on the answering machine..

"Yeah you have a training session with the Apartment Locators tomorrow...please be at work at 8am and you and Ashley can go over there together for the day."

What so now I have to have work follow me home? I hate it when people from work call me at home..it totally sucks. Besides I had already said how I was going to take off early tomorrow for my drug test (yes I have to have a pee test done!). Now I have to be at this thing till 5 and I have to miss lunch with Kate! It is totally no fair!

On the plus, I'm going to UT's fashion show tomorrow night. Free stuff and plenty of entertainment...should be lots of fun! Everyone should check it out.

Should I be concerned?

So I come home this evening and I see that I have a message. In my mind I think, "Oh great another solicitor trying to sell me satellite television!" I press play and prepare to hit delete when I hear:

"Listen here! Stop calling my house and hanging up! Greg is my man. All you are is a piece of ass to him! I'm serious! Stay out of our lives....."

Yes dear friends..it is Martha again! Her paranoid delusions are back and they've taken a fancy to me. (To further understand please see previous entry March 19th) I think I should be mildly concerned but instead the message just made me laugh....it was almost exciting like a long forgotten friend calling to see how things were going.

So I'm going to save the message and it will be on display for the rest of the month or at least until I figure out how to save it on tape to keep for posterity. For all of you who might have questioned my Martha encounters...here is proof!

PS: All bad things that go on in my life will now be attributed to Martha. I have found my scapegoat.

Grumble...

I'm so hungry that I'm considering gnawing my arm off. I hate that I didn't get asked when I would take my lunch but was told that I would have to take it after this one girl got back to lunch. I deserve to be consulted damn it!!! And to top it all off I have to eat lunch with my manager and talk about health insurance instead of reading my book which is what I had planned to do! hmrph!

Names

Wow! There's a whole philosophy dealing with names... interesting. Lindsey here is the website that you asked for....back to work! So much to do that I don't know where to start.

Brrrr.....

I was in Florida this past week visiting the Lovely Renee Gick and her one-woman show. Florida was freakin' freezing cold!!!! I, of course, over packed but I packed tons of skirts, tanks and t-shirts....no one told me I would need sweaters and jackets!!!! I don't think I was warm at any point during my sojourn into the oldest city in the US, St. Augustine. Meanwhile, Renee's senior art show was sizzlin' hot! She was awesome. Her small paintings were so personal and intimate. I can't wait for the day when I could say, "I knew her when..." Other than that, it was just a way too short but relaxing visit. P.S. I'm not a big fan of inflatible mattresses.

Oh what a stinky world we live in!

I've started a plan to create a nicer smelling world. I came up with this little thing while at the gym yesterday. Seriously People! You are sweating - USE DEODORANT !!! So I think what I'm going to do is buy a whole bunch of deodorant samples and pass them out to people. Do you think people would be offended? I mean maybe they never considered the possibility of deodorant? They could really like it if they tried it! I mean no one would avoid them anymore or wrinkle their nose in disgust. Ok if thats not a good idea then how about those trucks that used to spray DDT in the streets...how about we bring them back and instead of DDT we use Lysol? Then not only would the people smell good but the streets would smell mountain fresh. Its something to think about at least. Hmmm I think I'm going to make it my goal to make the world really smell like roses!

My mental filter doesn't exist.

My parents woke me up early this morning for church and I was not happy to say the least. I got ready and it took forever considering I don't have an actual room for myself and so I split my time between getting ready in the computer/guest room and my sister's room. I had to take a cold shower and it just wasn't a pleasant morning for me. So I'm running late for the 9:30 church service that I do not want to go to and my mom is complaining b/c she doesn't understand why I can't be ready on time since I know when church starts. That was the last straw to my crappy morning and so I blew up and let her have it. Here's a little dialogue so that you can see how it went.

Mom: Why is it taking you so long? Everyone is in the car waiting!
Me: I'm trying I said I would be there in a minute! (damn this sucks...I hate my outfit, makeup, shoes, etc!)
Mom: Why aren't you ready yet? you know what time church starts!
Me: There are no (don't say fucking..say freakin'..this is your mom you are talking to! don't say fuckin'!don't say fuckin") FUCKIN' clocks visible so that I can tell time in this stupid house!

At this point I have not only shocked my mom but also myself from using the word F***. I've never said that in my parents presence before and now I've just yelled it at her. I think my mouth actually dropped open when I said it ...afterwards I mumbled and apology for yelling it saying that I meant something else and it came out all wrong. I was so upset about being rushed, blamed for the whole family being late and yelling expletives at my mom that I was miserable and silent the rest of the morning. I think I'm going to ignor that it ever happened.

What's in a name?

Ok are we defined by our names? Here is something I found on a site describing a person named Stephanie...either I'm defined by name or my self perception is way off!

"Your name of Stephanie gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality. You are inclined to indulge in rich foods that lack proper nourishment. The physical weaknesses due to this name centre in the heart and respiratory organs, and in the fluid functions. "

...Welll everything but the whole unhealthy rich foods thing and physical weakness bit other than that I think its me.

Worthless...

God! I hate horomones! I hate genetics! I hate genetically induced horomones! The hate list could go on but it might get a little psycho. How could a perfectly fine day turn so shitty with no major event cause such a 180 change?

Le Sigh....

Today while at the gym I noticed that my red shirt boy cut his hair. I'm deeply grieved by this fact and I think this might be the end of my crush because his hair was one of the reasons why I crushed on him. Still hot body though. I think I care too much about guy's hair. I actually stopped talking to a guy cause once he took off his baseball cap his hair was absolutely horrible with it parted in the middle and in a bowl cut too!!! Does this mean I'm superficial?

The Weekend Update

The festivities began on Thurday with margaritas at El Arroyo. It was muy bien. We noticed an increasing trend..it seemed that everyone had blond hair and short frilly skirts. I couldn't get away and so many people where those damn skirts and they shouldn't. We left had dinner at my place and then my sister came into town with a couple of friends. Kate, Flaminia, Renee, Amy and I were all fairly well toasted by that point and were extremely giddy when they showed up. My sis and her friends left shortly after that to do the whole round-up party thing (yes I know my pure and innocent sister was drinkin' it up with frat boys!) There was discussion of going out but in the end we were all tired.

On Friday we went to our fourth and probably final Bob Pease event. It was wonderful! I love seeing people dressed in their white and khaki. We drank our screw drivers and ate our crawfish till we were blissfully happy, commenting on pass drunken experiences at Bob Pease. Its the best party of the year...when else do you have a perfectly good excuse to start drinking and listening to jazz at 3 in the afternoon? The drinking continued at my place and then continued on downtown...Friday was marathon day!!!

Downtown was good but so crowded. I ran into Kellen (summer guy) and then I ran into really annoying boy from last weekend (I'm so glad nothing further than kissing went on...he was wearing the gayest of hats). I ran into my favorite old neighbors at the Aquarium and we made it a point to hang out sometime. I miss them so much..I hate the complex now! We left kinda early and tried to wind our way through a sea of Texas Roundup people...were who should meet up with us again but Kellen who graciously offered to hang out with me and the gimp Flaminia until Kate arrived with the car....I don't know what to think about him right now (more on this later).

On arriving at home I enter my apt. to find my sister her friend Ashley and 4 strange guys sitting around drinking. I was taken back but thankfully for their sake drunk enough to be totally ok with the whole thing. The boys were sweet and young...I think they said 17! The whole situation made me laugh all night long...especially when one of them tried to put the moves on me (I felt bad for him so I let him keep his arm around my shoulder while sitting on the couch). It was cute but definitely in the style of Mrs. Robinson. I get them to finally leave and as my sister and I are heading to bed, there is a knock on the door...it was them and hahaha!!! Their car had been towed!!!!!!!! It was great! another weekend driving people to get their car out of jail. The total is 4 now. I really need to start getting commission from J&J.

Saturday was so gorgeous that i just wanted to bask in the sunshine all day. We went to Freebirds (it was very very yummy!) and then after getting a little toasty out in the sun we went to Coppertank for a football party and after having 5 songs dedicated to our group from the lead singer we felt like it was time to jet. We then picked up the Gimp and went and had crawfish at this guys place out in the hills by the lake. It was...interesting. Very nice people but it was just an awkward small group. Left and then Renee and I went to the Orange and White game. It was cool and we got to chat. Left and went and ate, picked up Kate and watch Matchstick men (it was ok but I was so tired that I kept on falling asleep while watching it). Then the time changed and I lost an hour of sleep (damn that daylight savings!). Now I'm at work.

On a sad note, my grandma is the hospital this weekend having surgery on her gallbladder. She has to get it removed. I feel so horrible for not being able to visit her in the hospital but I couldn't get out of work. It is so weird b/c my grandma is never ever sick!