Secret Agent Women!!

A crazy last couple of days!

Excerpt taken from Fuoco's site

Last night, France, Red & I went out for Teacher's birthday. After buttery nipples at the house and loads of shots downtown, we were pretty tipsy by the time we left ......

We were a bit hungry, so we decided to head to Taco Cabana to get some grub, at which point I thought of Mr. X, all asleep in his bed-- prior that night I had called him and after he told me he was going to work at 6 am, my tipsy self told him I wouldn't call him anymore that night so he could get some sleep. While at TC, however, I realized that I had not promised not to go BY his house. So I bought his favorite TC food, and proceeded to find his house, with a few difficulties.

The three of us stealthily (or so we THOUGHT) crept into his house (it was unlocked), and after "aaawwwing" over cute Mr. X was in his sleep, we left the TC bag riiiight in front of his bedroom door. We stealthily crept out. As we were getting into our car, one of Mr. X's neighbors came & invited us to a kegger in his back yard. He had Dos XX, so we were enticed to go, but after taking one look into his scary, dark, empty backyard, we fled the scene (after spending 15 minutes looking for Red's lost credit card, which France found).

We took Red home- she had a quiz in the morning, and in the middle of the road on the way we spied a orange cone. We decided Mr. X NEEDED that cone for his house. He HAD to have it. After dropping off Red, LV & I made some illegal U-turns and eventually had the cone in our possession. We once again crept quietly and very James Bond-like back in Mr. X's house and placed the cone in the middle of his bathroom, right in front of the broken bathroom sink. We crept back out, quiet as mice, and went home.
(The End!)

This morning was torture for me. I had a dr.'s appointment at 9am off Ben White ...I didn't wake up until 8:15am. As I was running out the door with a headache the size of a small mountain, I realized that I didn't remember where the dr.'s office was located. I wrote down the number and while driving in the general direction tried to find it from a very vague memory. Of coure no one was answering the damn phone (What if it had been an emergency?!?). I wondered around 290 for awhile before stubbling upon a familiar area. Through sheer brilliance I managed to find the stupid place and show up to my appointment 15min late and very much hungover.

Needless to say I didn't make it to the gym today! I did go to the outlet stores with Renee for her b-day. I got an awesome coat from BR and some heavenly perfume. I had a good time and my hangover wore off especially after a cup of coffee. Tonight was totally chill...which I totally appreciate. I'm so tired and should actually be in bed by now. I'm sure there were other exciting things that happened but I'm sleepy and can't remember...

OH! I almost forgot! I learned to knit today! Its a little touch and go right now but soon I'll be able to knit that cable sweater that I covet from J.Crew!

Label Maker

Do you want to know how sad my life is?...Today in our leasing meeting I got super excited and happy when I found out that my suggestion for a mailing/file labeler was approved. I had flashes of the future when I would sit at my desk and make labels for all our mail and then the row after row of files....No more sloppy handwriting ...just file after file of nice homogeneous labels!!...Soooooooo organized I think I might die from pure organizational pleasure. Did I ever mention my intense obsession and love of office supplies? Something about boxes of pens and highlighters mixed in with reams of fresh crisp white paper sets my heart aflutter! Mile after mile of paperclip chains and neat stacks of brightly colored post-it notes are my nirvana. Don't even get me started on white out! and hole punchers...well I could write a sonnet on their multiple uses. I think I just might have to go take a break for a minute in the supply closet and breath the essence that is office supplies!

Note: Wallet Found

Well I got a call and my wallet was found somewhere around the 2800 block of Rio Grande and Nueces. It contained everything except my seven dollars in cash....whoohoo!!! So I guess all they wanted was the Louis purse....lol they're gonna be sorry when they notice the dog bite marks on one end!!! hehe! Hey thats all I've got left to laugh at. So I have my identity back just my sense of safety and security is forever taken! Damn those thieves!

A Morning Visit to Hell

I had the worst morning in the world today! I wake up late of course so I'm rushing to get ready for work and as I'm gathering my stuff to leave (water bottle, breakfast, phone, keys) I go to grab my purse and see that it is missing from its usual place on my dining table. Oh ok...its over where I dropped all my Target bags last night...nooo...hmm where could it be? Oh it should be in the beige chair where I always dump bags and coats...huh! Not there either. No reason to panic...I'm just running a little late and so I'm skipping all the obvious places my purse would be....fifteen minutes later and a wrecked apartment and there is no Louis Vitton purse with my wallet which contains my credit cards, gift cards, ids, social security card, cash, etc. Yes NOW is the time to freak! Now I have a sinking suspicion that my purse is not only MIA but stolen out of my own home. I call work and tell them that I'm late cause I can't find my purse (I'm sure they loved that excuse!) and then I call my mom and totally break down. She calms me down I decide to call my bank and see if any charges have been made since last night ...only Target so far...hmm this makes me think that maybe it wasn't stolen. I decide to call an impartial third-party to take a look around and see if they see it. I call Amy over and great person that she is comes over and takes a look in my apartment for me....she can't find it either! She then looks around the apartment in case some one did take it and they just dropped all the non cash stuff on their exit...alas no luck! I call Target and leave my name and number just in case I left it there although I'm 99.9% sure I didn't. I'm totally screwed at this point and I'm over an hour late for work. Its a beautiful morning....NOT!!!!!!!

Let me give you a little background as to why I think my purse might have been stolen from my apartment. Last night as I was entering my abode, I had my hands full and so I just dropped everything on the floor next to my chair and shut the door...I was so starving that I ran to the kitchen to get food and then forgot that I didn't lock my door (which I am normally very good at doing when I'm by myself!). I then got busy with other things and continued to forget about the unlocked door. Meanwhile, I'm getting tired and know that I need to start getting ready for bed so I go and take my shower. I get out and mess around with these new chair slipcovers I bought and then I go and lay on my bed and read for a couple of minutes and then I pass out with all the lights in the apartment blazing. I wake up at around 2:30am and realize that everything is still on and so I go and turn off all the lights and I think it is then that I realize my door was still unlocked. I deadbolt it and then I go to sleep not thinking that anything was a miss. So there was a 3 hr window when someone could have slipped in my apartment thinking no one was home realized the mistake and take the purse on their way out. I'm hoping I was a total moron and it's been in my apartment or car this entire time...but I don't think that is the case. I had to call and cancel everything! I have nothing!!!!

Hopefully my bad morning won't continue into a bad day!

I Pay for Pain

So I went to my first personal trainer session. Number one mistake was doing 45 minutes of cardio workout before even seeing him. I was already tired and then he made me do all these things that caused me to sweat. It was the hardest thing ever! I actually grunted like those guys who strain when they lift weights....I was so embarassed!!! How can you look attractive after sweating like a pig and then grunting!!! I actually paid this man to torture me.....isn't this some kind of masochism? I think subconsciously I want to committ suicide! When we finished...he actually had the audacity to suggest I go and do some more cardio workout. Are you seriously fucking with me? Hell no!..all I wanted to do was pass out or throw up...I couldn't decide between the two! Needless to say I left that joint.

Went to Target later on my way home. While I was there ready to check out I went and stood behind this guy...like 4 ft away. I took one step closer to the conveyor belt cause I thought my jellified arms (thanks to the murderous trainer) were about to give way....The guy looks at me and goes "I think it would be better if you stepped back!" I was like "OMG"! There is no way in hell this guy is telling me that I'm too close to him! I'm a fucking yard away! Anyway he was obviously crazy...he was wearing spongebob squarepants pants. Thank god the clerk at another counter totally waived me in and I got out of the damn place faster than him....bastard! God, I hope it wasn't cause I stank due to the torture chamber..oops I mean gym. I've decided I hate people except for my friends...all others at this point can jump off a cliff. I'm tired and cranky.

They're baaack!!

Oh yuck! I came into work today...10minutes late (OOPS). I was sitting at my desk praying that those creepy guys decided not to stay here...when much to my dismay I spied them sitting outside smoking a cigarette. I was watching them thinking....oh god please don't come in here creepy dudes! Go Away! Wait does me watching them through the window make me the creepy person instead?!? Oh dear lord! I've become creepier than the creepy guys!

I'm so bored. I was so productive this morning that I finished all my work before noon. I have absolutely nothing else to do. I guess I could mail some letters...but that doesn't sound fun. I think I'm going to plan a fondu party for the near future...not sure when yet though.

Poor Renee...she called last night looking for support and I couldn't help her! I was a horrible friend and deserved to be shot! Beware! I will forsake friendships for Sex in the City reruns!

Not to be Omitted

I have been informed that I forgot to mention something very important that occured Saturday night...There was I believe a moment when signatures were made on someone's ass with a calligraphy marker. Who thought the idea up....no one will know or remember but I must say for a brief moment I felt like a rockstar being begged by a groupie for an autograph....

...And They Called Themselves "Zappa Tampon Krappa"

Wow...crazy weekend! Its all a blur....Friday we started at my house drinking a little wine and considering our options. We decided to brave the crowds and go to 4th street. Took a cab and met up at Fado....we were already a little tipsy and enjoying ourselves thoroughly. Flaminia met the dj's helper...a cute skinny boy named Matt with nipple rings...which he displayed proudly. I was leaning over the banister checking the crowd out and this guy thought I was making eyes at him - I wasn't but I started talking to him anyway. He was so trashed and kept on making comments about how sexy Texas women were compared to women in Virginia. He then proceeded to give me his beads and buy me a drink...very nice right? Well then I decided his drunk ass annoyed me so I started talking to Steve and Jeff and so he left. I then proceeded to give my drink(not even what I asked for!) to Kate and continue drinking my beer. The beads I lost later on to Matt the dj's assistant....I got to tug on the nipple rings..... Fado was hoppin with firefighters and hot preppy boys but we decided we needed some better music and opted for a new place with a different and better dj. Off to CT once again....along the way a bitch of a cop stopped Flaminia and told her to stop acting like God....he was a moron hopped up on power....Rest of the night was devoted to drinking and dancing and I have no idea what else cause I got pretty sloshed...came home early cause I had to work in the morning...yuck!

I was so surprised Saturday how I wasn't hung over...I guess drinking lots of water really does work...Anyway worked sucked especially after these creepy guys walked in and wanted to see rooms and stay at the C. for a month. One guy looked retarded and kept on say how hot I was....I was freaked because I was the only one in the office and none of the managers were in and the other leasing agent was on a tour. They just oozed sleaze! I feel like I need a shower now just thinking about it....ugh! They just kept getting weirder. The kinda cute one was as dumb as an ox...god! he was soooo dumb! Then while I was trying to do my work and they were sitting there waiting for their boss who also was creepy. They commented on how white my teeth are and how green my eyes are. They're normal compliments which normally I enjoy hearing but those guys just made it sound creepy and sleazy. I wanted to hide! Thank god! I don't have to be in the office today when they come back!

At work when I meet some of our residents and when I give tours...I find myself having these little crushes on the eighteen year old boys. They are so cute and seemingly sweet and innocent. I have to remind myself that less than year ago it would have been illegal to touch them....I must refrain from playing with boys my little sister's age! There was one that came in the other day with the cutest smile and the bluest eyes...I was smitten...he just needs to marry my sister so that I can look at him and cutie pieness! I'm through with younger guys...I need an older guy who knows how to treat a woman!!

I finally got to see Faye on Saturday evening. I went over to Trudy's with her and all her PL people. I met Danny...he's a very nice guy. I'm happy for her! Interesting conversations though...ended up talking about personal massagers...you know the kind!! Left, got ready for DT and Flaminia and Kate came over...we chilled, got ready and took a cab to Fado once again...trying to stay out of the Mardi Gras crowd. We get there meet up with Lisa and Valerie and the bar sucks! The guys were all old and moldy looking...it just wasn't entertaining. We go to Lucky Lounge afterwards...once again kind of a older guy crowd. I did see a guy with a shirt that looks oddly similar to a tablecloth of my mom. Left and went to Red Fez which I used to absolutely love!...it was ehh last night. I commandeered a cool paper flower that was attached to the building while waiting in line. I loved it and got comments all night about it. We danced with these fabulous black guys celebrating their friends graduation. They rocked and we finally started having some fun. We got into the dancing spirit and decided it was time to brave 6th street...well at least make a trip to CT. No surly coppers this time but Lisa and I did learn a new word from our great and worldly friend Kate....cugina....how great is that. Lisa and I annoyed the group by using the word as much as possible in every sentence and in every situation all night long.... a little later the cugina expanded into a gesticulating cugina. It was great fun. We went couldnt' get into CT for free and we all refuse to pay cover. So we went and totally slummed it on 6th. Went into the Ritz and some club called Exodus. Man..I don't think there was one attractive guy on 6th last night!

We left before 2am to get a cab and chilled at my place trying to find an after party....thats when the prank calls started. We started calling Ben Williams and leaving crazy messages and then it escalated to calling various people in F's phonebook and leaving them crazy messages. Once again we owe it to Kate and her innovative thinking for the newly founded Zappa Tampon Krappa which is headed by Regina phalange. Well I guess we have the writers of "Friends" to thank but Kate remembered it and so we are forever grateful. We provided much entertainment for ourselves. We then went over to Ben W's house making a detour to F's house. There we sifted through her fabulous jewelry and picking up a zillion condoms. The condoms were then left all over Ben W's house and front porch in signature Zappa Tampon Krappa style. Alas, the night was then over for me. We all went our respective ways and except for some 5am calls I slept till noon. Ben supposedly left a message...I checked it my sleep and erased it. I have no clue what it said. Bottom line: This weekend was amazing!

Girl Talk/Goodbye Dear Friend

Another day at work...it is so slow today! Last night I went out with some girlfriends to D&B's. Can't beat 1/2 priced cocktails and shooters..too bad I had to work this morning and so I couldn't really take advantage. Oh well, we had some fun talk. I mean girltalk is wonderful...our conversation ranged from takin' it in the bum, to brazilian bikini wax, manicures, measuring body fat, to threadcount on our favorite sheets. Never a dull moment. It also was a sad occasion since another college buddy is now departing our lovely city of Austin. Goodbye Kim! We will all miss you so much! They're leaving in droves...this might force me to start making new friends..gasp!

Anyway this weekend is Mardi Gras so there is guaranteed to be some fun for us all...unfortunately I have to work on Saturday but I don't have to work on Sunday!! Today has been such a good day so far. It wasn't too crazy at work and I got a compliment from my boss...someone told him that they had seen me give tours and thought I was just the nicest person (little do they know!). I had lunch at Roly Poly with Kim. It was pretty damn good! I feel like now that I've admitted to it being a good day that it can't go anywhere but downhill from now. The moment I thought...damn it's been a pretty wonderful day I got a premonition that things were going to go the exact opposite. I hope I'm wrong. Its the same idea of don't put all your eggs in one basket I guess. Of course today is much better in comparison to yesterday...I mean yesterday I had my fat measured...could it get any worse? I hope this weekend goes well. I mean Faye is coming into town so things should be happening and hopefully all will go well!

Ahh..Wonderful Delicious Fat

I woke up at 7:30am...I have to be at work at 8am. Can you see the pattern for my day? Work sucked and then I missed going to Trudy's to meet some friends cause I had to babysit. My weekend doesn't look so promising either. I have to work on Friday and Saturday and then I got asked to babysit again Saturday night. I don't know what to tell them. Fayzie is supposed to be in town and I want to hang out with her considering I haven't seen her since before Christmas but if she's going to be out with her bf all night then there really isn't anyone stopping me from earning a little extra money...something I wouldn't mind after spending tons of money on a gym membership and trainer package. Which reminds me tomorrow I have the pleasure of having my fat measured. Oh could my week be any better??

Well I guess I did have one good thing happen...my mom traded in my rapid rewards airline ticket for $300. This means I don't have to pay to go visit Renee in Florida for her graduation. I'm really excited! Hopefully by that time the personal trainer will have worked his magic! I'm tired! I think I'm gonna go to bed early.

How to Plan Way in Advance

So went to C&A's. Went with Kate and was supposed to meet up with Flaminia. She wasn't able to meet us though cause she had another friend in town. It was cool cause Kate and I hung out and got to talk a lot. I had tons of fun. Ran into tons of people "Piano" boy and "Engineer" boy and saw but didn't talk to "chille bowl" boy (thank god!). I'm a horrible friend though cause I flirted with "Irish" the bartender when Emily wasn't there. He's a cutie though. It got so busy and C&A's is the only place that the guy's bathroom line is longer than the girls! Yea!!! Anyway, drank several beers talked to Kate and others and thoroughly enjoyed my time. Interesting thing though "Piano" and I started talking and the convo ended with us creating a date for a little somthin' somethin' on May 25th if neither of us have gotten any before then. Too funny!! How totally unromantic is setting a calendar date for a little action? I wonder if either of us will remember it at any point. hehe!! Anyway, I like C&A but there are so many people that I try and avoid. I really need to stop flirting with guys I have no intentions of ever talking to again. Oh well! Its early but I think I need to sleep so that I can get up for work. Damn work.

Bonjour Mes Amis

This is the first of my entries. I'm not sure how exciting I'll be but I'll try and give it a whirl. Today was boring. I dodged the first of probably many days at the gym after spending a butt-load on my membership. Did you ever feel unsatisfied with your life and know that it is totally unwarranted? Yeah, that was me today. Oh well! Later I'm supposed to go to C&A's with some girlfriends....maybe it'll get a little eventful then.